


Lighting matches was always fun until now

by Crybabygal



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But He Gets Better, Depression Anxiety and Stress, Jughead is kinda fucked up, Other, Protective Southside Serpents Gang, Recovery, Self Harm by burning yourself, Southside Serpent Jughead Jones, The Unholy Trinity - Freeform, Toni Topaz is a Good Friend, i used a blade not matches so I hope I got this right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crybabygal/pseuds/Crybabygal
Summary: Jughead Jones has scars, lots of scars.





	Lighting matches was always fun until now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Goatly_Sacrifices](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goatly_Sacrifices/gifts).



> Shout out To goatly Sacrifices for coming up with the idea of this fic!! I was stumped and you so wonderfully helped me!
> 
> Also; I went over and edited mistakes but I’m not sure if I got them all so i’ll He coming back later to edit.

For as long as Jughead could remember, Fire has always been a…  _ release.  _ If that makes any sense. Logically he knows this not something he should be doing, going out into fox forest and lightning shit on fire that definitely should not be. Lighting matches and letting them burn all the way down until the tip of his fingers are burned and in pain.

He knew if anyone seen the scars they’d  _ immediately  _ go after his dad. Take him away from him, and if he told them it was himself doing it to himself  _ he  _ would be the one taken away.

Jughead couldn’t allow that. 

Toni was the only one he trusted enough to tell, or at least to keep secret no matter how much she didn’t want to.

Toni had decided to stalk him into Fox Forest one day, when they were about thirteen. Jughead thoughts and senses were to clogged up that day notice she was there.

And let’s say, she didn’t take it too well.

 

_ “The Hell Jones?” Toni spat, marching her way over to Jughead. Ripping the lighter and matches out of his hand.  _

_ Jughead looked mortified, She was here? Why was she here? Was she going to tell someone? Too many thoughts were screaming at him for him to speak, try to make up some lie that would most likely make her more suspicious rather than convinced that he was definitely not lighting fires and or putting out fires on himself. _

_ Her eyes travel done to his arms, his jacket.. his jacket! It was throw somewhere over a log, his arms were bare and she could see the untreated burns on his skin. _

_ Her eyes hardened, “pick yourself and your shit up, then you and I are going back to your place and treating those and then we’re gonna talk about somethings” Toni’s voice was tight. Leaving no room for argument. _

_ He winced every time she dabbed at a wound, when they got back to his place where his dad was thankfully gone from. She had demanded he tell her where all the burn marks were and  embarrassingly had him stripped down to his underwear. _

_ “Why?” She suddenly asked, Still dabbing with some disinfect at his thighs. Jughead gives her a quizzed look, “why what?” _

_ “Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you hurt yourself Jug?” She looks up, her eyes glossy and her lips down turned.  _

_ “I’m doing it on purpose tones, it’s just when I’m stressed or hurt or something I just-“ _

_ “-light stuff on fire I figured” she deadpans “but why yourself? I’d rather you light sticks on fire and have a chance at burning riverdale down rather than you harming yourself”  _

_ “I’m not Harming myself, I’m not depressed” Jughead bites out, Her mouth drawled into a thin line. _

_ “Self harm is still self harm no matter what Emotion you do it from. Understand?” She said. Jughead glanced at her to his burn marks. _

_ “I- I understand” he said, her look softened. _

_ “Look, I’m not going to tell your dad. Because you obviously don’t want him to know. But I am not going to sit around and know that you’re harming yourself and not do anything about it” he stared at her, “next you even think about going to burn shit you pick up the phone and come get me. I don’t care if it’s three am two am or the end of the world you tell me and I will talk to you or just sit with you and be there. Okay?” She crawled up and say beside him, gripping his hand in hers. His gaze skittered back and forth between her and his arms. _

_ “Okay toni” His voice is hoarse, a lump in his throat that he tries to swallow but to no avail it remains. _

_ She leans over and pulls him into a hug, where he remains for a long, long time. _

 

He doesn’t stop, but it becomes less frequent. True to her word. No matter what time it is she always picks up the phone. But sometimes he can’t bring himself to pick up the phone. 

He hates it too, hates that he gets a release from the pain of the Burn, hates  _ hates  _ it.

He’s been picking up on the habit more and more again. Going to Toni’s place more and more to get patched up rather than to talk. Seeing her disappointed and worried looks is a stab to his heart each time. 

“You need to tell your dad Jug, your dad the serpents- we, we can help Jug. This isn’t  _ okay.”  _ She says. Wrapping the fresh mark on his ankle this time.

Jughead doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t look up from where his gaze rest on the floor of her shaggy hot pick rug. 

“What will that do to my standing.” He asks, she looks up confused and yet intrigued.

“What?”

“What would they think of me? A serpent who burns themselves almost daily again. A serpent with anxiety and who gets bullied on a daily basis a serpent who’s easily stressed. What would that do? Would I be a joke? A disgrace?  _ What would it do Toni?”  _ His expression was dull. She loathed it, it was fake. He was hiding himself.

“Is this why you haven’t said anything? Jughead we are  _ family.  _ We care and look out for each other. Just because your the kings pins doesn’t mean you have to be strong or withhold your ground all the time. No serpent does, no  _ person  _ does. No Serpent stands  _ alone  _ remember?” She bores into his eyes, his mask slips off, cracks and breaks. Toni stomps it. Stomps it until it’s nothing but dust and rubble.

“How do I reach out?” He asked, and he looks so  _ tired.  _ It breaks her heart. 

“That I can help you with, Juggie”

 

-

 

FP sits there, and listens, he listens and doesn’t interrupt. Waits until he’s done talking, until Toni is done talking. His stomach churning over and bile crawling up his throat every second. The air in the trailer is tight and anxiety filled.

“Toni could you step out and give us a minute?” Toni nods, following the kings order. 

FP walks over and sits himself down next down to Jughead on their old ratty couch. 

He grabs his arms, careful of the bandages. And fresh wounds gazing at the scars.

“This okay?” He asks, voice hoarse. Jughead nods. FP swipes his fingers over the Healed wounds. The ones turned to scars.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” FP asks, Jughead glances up at him.

“I was scared. That you’d react badly, take me out of the serpents or throw me in some mental institution. I was twelve when I started burning myself so you Can imagine I had a creative imagination” Jughead darkly chuckles, FP looks horrified. The bile crawling back up his throat leaving a burning trail behind it. 

“I’d never do that Jug why- what-“

“I was twelve dad I was scared. Besides, I had Toni and She was enough to keep me… grounded for while. Until now.” 

FP doesn’t really know what to say, So he speaks through his actions. Pulling him into a hug. And God- Jughead melts in his arms.  _ Touch-starved.  _ He realizes sickly. And he’s so thin FP is pretty sure he can feel Jughead’s ribs.

He can feel Jughead shaking slightly.

Crying.

“It’s fine, you’ll be fine” He shakily breaths out. 

-

Toni had suggested that Jughead tell some of the other younger Serpents. Since Jughead didn’t really like any of the older one except maybe three.

Fangs tackles him into a bear Hug after he and Toni sit Him and Sweet Pea down. 

Sweet Pea stares at him long and hard. Jughead eventually starts squirming not used to someone looking at him for so long.

He clasp Jughead’s shoulders. 

“I’m here for ya, whatever you need. Got it?” He says, not an ask in the slightest way. Jughead softly smiles, “got it.”

Jughead tells about five other young Serpents that he’s good friends with. After that they seem to form a Protective circle around him. Along with his dad. 

Other Serpents pick up on it. Most confused or thinking maybe there’s a threat to him that they haven’t been told yet. 

But no one asks questions.

They aren’t pitying. Which is something Jughead is grateful for. They slide him food and talk about The latest stupid thing some northsider or Serpent has done. He’s surprised to find out that they all always answer his calls. He figured some of them wouldn’t appreciate the late calls much but Toni and fangs Sweet Pea were out on a Job and Jughead couldn’t bring himself to wake his dad up after working an almost 24 hour shift at pops. 

He still gets the itch to do it again. Sometimes he almost does. Grabbing his shoes and keys and picking up some matches or lighter to head out to the Forest. But then Toni’s voice kicks him and his common sense into gear.

And the he’s having a late night snack with Sweet Pea or James. A midnight ride with his dad or him and Toni racing on the back roads.

 

He gets a cake quite literally thrown in his face on the day of his one year anniversary of not Burning himself.

(thanks Sweet Pea)

 

Then Toni pulls out the real cake.

**Author's Note:**

> I was having some Trouble writing the end, and that was the best that came out of it. I hope you all enjoyed this and please if you’re having any trouble at all with Self harm or anxiety or depression or anything at all please reach out. No one deserves that and you’re never alone. Someone will listen and talk to you and help you. 
> 
> Ilu all and be safe.


End file.
